pOkE the pLaNeT

Site for today is www.cairns.com.au.

Its a information site for Cairns linked to the local paper. Story De Jour is the five metre scrub python that helped a family cut its vet bill by half. Depending on which side of PETA you belong to its either a horrible story or a completely natural one.

A family in Kuranda near Cairns lost a guinea pig, a cat and now a dog to snakes, the dog in this case being a chihuahua that was actually stalked by the scrub python for days before being taken. The family threw chairs at the snake as it swallowed the dog but, as they say, its 110 lbs of aggressive muscle. The snake is now resting at the nearby Venom Zoo and will be released into the wild, where they usually stalk and eat bandicoots and wallabies.

After three years of drought we now have flooding in Queensland, with some places recording astonishing rain bursts. Sydney had a months rainfall in forty minutes, and watching cars float around is now a Queensland spectator sport. One result of all this is the snakes are moving into suburbs where the houses are dry and the pets are plentiful, and I have a snake in my ceiling now thats quite welcome so long as it sticks to eating mice and rats. When it reaches fifteen feet long Im calling someone.

Favorite snake story. Twenty years ago Lawn Hill cattle station was owned by a Brazilian multi millionaire, and his associates from Brazil carried firearms everywhere as is the way in Brazil. Soon after the crew quarters were completed the boys moved in to bunk and one night they saw a python in the rafters checking them out, so of course they opened fire. End result? None of them hit the python which left for quieter quarters and they destroyed the brand new iron roof of their sleeping quarters. Thats justice.

Here are a few of my pics from our trip to Siem Reap around Angkor during Tet.
Cambodia is AWESOME!!!

Legal note from Australia.

The ex mayor of Darwin is due to be sentenced today for stealing from the council. Apparantly he bought a fridge worth a few hundred bucks with council funds, but the neat bit is he also bought a Darth Vader mask, cosmetics and ladies lingerie. Theres not much to do in Darwin after hours.

K

Jesus! Didnt we just have one of these? Its the only day I truly, deeply and undeniably wish I was a florist.

How does this compare with Valentines Day in America? Every second ad on tv is Valentines themed, starting with the singles websites, cell phone 'astrology' mate searches, hotel deals, restaurants, electronics (?), chocolates, flowers, airline deals and pool filtration systems. OK, I made the last one up but thats about the only service not cranking the Valentines Day handle. Other services that seem to have doubled their advertising are Weightwatchers ( usually showing after the chocolate ads ), menswear ( like Im going to buy decent clothes for one bloody day of the year ), diamonds ( see above ), hairdressing, watches, health spas... you name it. The whole message seems to be that if youre married, youre ok but have to spend up anyway, and if youre single youre 'broken' and better start swiping the credit card or risk eternal damnation. Guys in the know tend to sneak off and spend the week at the Brisbane Motor Show, which costs $17.50 and is Valentines free.

Watching the U.S pre election process and Ive figured out why its not as exciting as our electoral slapfest. In Australia, its legal to bet on elections, but I gather it isnt in the U.S. Imagine how much better your election would be if you too could lay down some real money on a presidential nominee. You should make the losing candidate pick up all the confetti while youre at it.

K

Until recently, no one in Australia really cared about the Superbowl, because we didnt know the teams or have any real connection. Experts say Australians dont like american football because it has more stops and starts than a unionised tramway but thats doesnt make sense... cricket is the most popular summer sport in Australia and it makes gridiron look like one smooth constant state of play. If anything, the rules of cricket are even more confusing and even some of its greatest fans dont always know whats going on. With the Superbowl, almost no one in Australia knows whats going on so thats why we have experts to ruin the experience.

The game was shown by Australias SBS channel and I expected to see raw feed from the U.S, but unfortunately we had a panel of experts sitting in a studio explaining exactly what was happening to an audience that didnt care. Well, I didnt. You know the show is going to suck when one talking head starts getting excited over what the players favorite sandwiches are. What really annoyed many viewers however was the fact they replaced the Superbowl ads with local ads. What did they think we were watching for? My pick was the Planters 'Unibrow' ad if only for the fact I swear I dated that woman.

SBS Australia also did a three hour special on Super Tuesday, which is remarkable because they wouldnt do more than thirty minutes on most Australian pre election ballots. Australians know even less about how the U.S electoral system than they do about their own, and believe me thats saying something. All I know is the people I talk to wish it was Steven Colbert vs Kinky Friedman in November. Is that too much to ask?

K