pOkE the pLaNeT

Scientists have discoveed a giant rat in West Papua that is five times the size of a normal city rat. Does anyone else remember the Rodents Of Unusual Size? Whoever can name the film that came from wins one. Promise.

K

Ho Ho Ho.

Actually, scrub that. A department store Santa in Cairns was fired from Myers this month for saying 'Ho Ho Ho' because it was against store policy. See, the store decided the word 'Ho' was insulting to women and so had the Santas agree to use the word 'Ha'. Fat chance. Said Santa then held a press conference on the Esplanade in mid wet season tropical heat while wearing his full winter outfit. I reckon they fired him for being insane.

So its Xmas. I should be enjoying the festive season but my work collegues and I are in the airline industry, which is like being a barmaid on St Patricks Day. The late december airline rush is an absolute nightmare for those of us who pretend we care about your travel plans, and I tell you the veneer is wearing thin. If it wasnt for the hire/fire clauses in our contracts half you ungrateful bastards would be wearing coffee like a cheap suit. The only upside to Xmas is we airline staff get a bumper crop of left behind romance novels out of seat pockets to trade amongst ourselves.

I know in the U.S Xmas is the season of snow and sleds and snow shovelling heart attack victims, but in Papua New Guinea its the season of volcanic ash, sulphur dioxide, 100F heat, earthquakes, thunderstorms and passengers trying to smuggle fifty pounds of banana bread as carry on.('its for the kiddies you know'). In PNG there are no roads between the capital city Port Moresby and the other regional centers. No rail and almost no sea links, so aircraft are the only way to get back to your city or village for the holiday. Jacksons Airport at three am on a sunday morning looks like a free rock concert thanks to all the excess passengers travelling on extra flights.

The credit crisis has had a minor effect on consumer sentiment in Australia but not as much as you would expect. The malls are still full of the Born To Shop crowd and you take your life in your hands when you attend a sale. In Cairns the temperature is about 90F by eleven am, even higher around late afternoon, and the malls are all airconditioned, so its elbow to elbow at the food court. Speaking of, Xmas is also food poisoning season in the tropics as power cuts and delayed food shipments increase the incidence of spoiled food. Walt Disney is fresher than some of the food we get in PNG.

K

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
- Dave Barry

We don't know who suggested the name in our whale naming competition,[Correction: we DO, see the comments!] but the popularity of Mr Splashy Pants is skyrocketing! Independent Mr Splashy Pants fans have generated all this:
- Mr Splashy Pants t-shirts

- A Mr S.P Facebook group

- There is a Mr Splashy Pants bumper sticker

- The popular link site Reddit rebranded their logo.

Somewhere out there is a Mr Splashy Pants fan with muscle ache: this person found a way to vote more than one time, and decided to do so, peaking at about 150 clicks per minute (we have removed the clicks as we felt it was a bit unfair).

Due to the great interest in our whale naming competition we decided to hold it open for a bit longer, the last chance to have your say will be the 7th of December. I still cheer for Veikko, but it looks like Mr Splashy Pants will be hard to beat.

Now we just have to make sure that Mr Splashy Pants doesn't get harpooned - don't forget to send a letter to the heads of Germany, U.S., Chile and Brazil, and ask them to call on Japan's Prime Minister to stop whaling.

http://www.greenpeace.org/international/campaigns/oceans/whaling/great-whale-trail/gwt-vote

I'm still not sure why or how so many females have and are afflicted with the Fwd: RE: disease. This disturbing disorders' symptoms include, the forwarding of hope, love and the sorry I don't have time to write you specifically but if you get this email send it back to me and 10 other people you can't be bothered to write individually in mass emails in unprotected CC format. Although there have been small breakthroughs in treating the "disorder" such as, education on how to "incorporate BCC in your daily life" and the " fwd: to 8 ( not 10 ) people" program, some web experts still believe this will continue to spread and become more rampant as preliminary studies of "tweenies" have shown in SMS/ Texting trial reports. In order to promote support and fund help for the treatment of this disconcerning disorder please cut and paste this informational link and check "send to all" in your address book, the 2007 goal is to reach out to more than 10,000 individuals that are afflicted, know someone living with the disorder and ultimately prevent further exposure to this pendemic.